Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Wedding Post: Wedding Etiquette Question For You Guys!

On a recent trip to Barnes and Noble, the Fiance and I decided to pick up a Wedding Planner, and also a Wedding Etiquette book. You're probably wondering why I decided to pick up a Wedding Etiquette book when I could just research online. To be brutally honest I've come to a huge hump in my wedding planning. I don't like to include things about my life that are so depressing but I'm reaching out to you guys for some advice!

My family, the Fiance and I are all in disagreement. You see, I have one sibling, I have a brother, whom I'm not very close with (Which I'm not going to get into detail about, just going to say that we're not close). My family believes that my brother has to be part of the fiance's party. My fiance has had his party picked out since he first knew he was going to pop to question, his 2 best friends (since grade school), and his brother.

Before the fiance was going to ask me to marry him, he had a talk with my father. My father did mention in the conversation about my brother being in the party, but Fiance told him his reasons why he didn't want him in the party. My father didn't disagree, and left it at that.

Now that Fiance has popped the question and we're trying to plan the wedding, my parents no longer want to have anything to do with the wedding. Fiance and I are obviously both college students with not a lot of money, especially not enough money to cover a whole wedding, so it was always the understanding we would have help from my family. Without my parents help, the wedding will be prolonged until Fiance and I could both afford to have the wedding.

My parents wanting nothing to do with the wedding is putting it lightly. My parents are trying to force my brother into the wedding. If my brother isn't in the wedding party, they will not attend. My father no longer wants to walk me down the aisle because what I'm doing is not right. I also have my three girls that I want in the party, whom I already asked, and my mother is blaming me for only having three girls and that I should of asked a fourth girl just so my brother could be in the wedding.

Also, my parents think if they pay for the whole thing they want to be in charge of the whole wedding, where I would have no decisions in absolutely anything. Which I could kind of understand in a way, but kind of didn't understand..

With much crying and being depressed about the whole thing, Fiance and I decided to take a different approach and figure out a way to please everybody. Fiance also has a sister, whom I wasn't including in the wedding because I'm not close with her, just like Fiance isn't close with my brother. Fiance and I decided to ask my parents if it would be ok if my brother and his sister were both Ushers. We also asked Fiance's parents if they would have split the costs of the wedding with my father, and they agreed, because they want more than anything to see us get married. Fiance and I also decided to help pay for things so that way it will help my father with the burden of paying for the whole wedding, and also my parents can't have complete control.

We presented my parents with this information about a week ago, and we told them to think about it, and read the book we bought. We didn't just buy the book to prove a point, we also bought it because it's not like any of our families planned a wedding before so it would help with misunderstandings.

So I'm asking you guys, I need some advice and what struggles did you guys have in planning your wedding?

Wedding Etiquette book $34.95(I believe)

Wedding Planner with free Tote $34.95

Inserts to place things for the wedding

So any advice or any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. :)


Kinsey Michaels said...

hmm that's a tough one. it's hard for me to give proper advice without knowing the reasons why you and your brother aren't close. if you leave him out of your wedding party, do you think you'll regret it in the future? do you think having him be in it could possibly mend your relationship w/ him?

*~kAy~* said...

Hey doll <3
I'm not here to give advice or anything because I haven't even gone through anything like this...

My parents had a similar situation.. but more like 'romeo and juliet' :p
their families clashed and fought for generations! and for them to fall in love was the most unimaginable thing for their families to even believe...
it took them 10 years before they could finally get married...

It must be exciting to finally think about all the things you want in your wedding and it sucks when others want to plan it their way :(

I really hope you won't cry and feel depressed anymore because this is supposed to be a happy thing <3 Please don't let the little details make you sad.

I think that the most important and happiest thing other than anything else is that you both are getting married.

It wouldn't be the same if your family isn't there :( especially to walk you down the aisle!!! ><
I'm so happy to hear that your fiance's family are so supportive though <3
That's always nice :)

I believe that everything will work out in the end <3
I think its really good that you guys are taking the time to try and negotiate things out.
Its always really hard to make EVERYBODY happy.

I hope that everybody remembers that this is both of you guy's wedding and not theirs. :p

But I guess if worst comes to worst, I heard that "the worse the wedding, the better the marriage!" ;) so maybe your marriage is off to a good start! :p

I'm sorry I couldn't give any advise... and I really really really hope you feel tons better soon! <3

*~kAy~* said...

8 years!!! That's so sweet! <3
I've been with mine for about a little more than 4 years now :3
So not as long as you yet :p heehee..
I would be very hurt if somebody told us we won't last too :'(
But in a way, you've already proven to everybody that your relationship has lasted for more than 8 years and is still staying very strong especially when you both are getting married. <3
I really hope that they will listen and be supportive of your decisions when you go see them this weekend! <3
Please let me know how it goes ok? :3
Gawsh, fighting over the photographer and size of cake sounds way more fun! haha :p
Hopefully you will share some of your pictures with us? :p

Please take care and stay strong! <3

J.Ryan said...

I really hope everything works out for you and your Fiance. It must be tough being at such an important stage in your life to be dealing with the family drama. I would first pray about it and second off, do what you and your Fiance want and think is best for yall. Family is Family, and while to me family is important, at the end of the day, you and your Fiance are also family and on this big day you shouldn't be forced into doing anything that you dont want. I know I don't know all of the reasons and circumstances but I find it a little bit sad that your parents have acted like this (and I don't mean this in a mean way)

I can't tell you what to do but I hope you and your Fiance find what is best for yall even if that means waiting a little longer or whatever it might be. This day is a very important day in your life and you want it to be the best it can be and go as smooth as it can go. just do what you feel in your heart is right so you wont look back and regret anything. keep us updated. I will say a little prayer about it. :) Goodluck!